Wednesday, August 20, 2008

First timer

This is my first time doing blogging...I am feeling rather self conscious right now. Maybe if I get that out I can move on and talk about something really profound and life changing? Or maybe not.

Maybe I should just pretend as if I am writing to a certain person instead of out into the "great unknown". I mean, who will read this anyway except for people who know me? Okay, now I am feeling better.

Well, here is my purpose for writing this blog. It's simple: I feel compelled to. I think I will learn some new things as I write them down and gain insight through this time.

For those who don't know, my 3 year old daughter, Kaylee, has High-functioning autism. It has completely turned my life upside down. I feel like I have lost my daughter to these idiosyncracies. She's in her own world most of the time, unable to communicate and reply to any sort of a question. She can barely answer "yes" or "no". When she gets home from school, I ask her "How was your day?", she can't answer me. She blankly stares ahead or watches the bus until it rounds the corner unseen as if I weren't even there. I am heartbroken as I watch her at the park, more interested in jumping up and down on the moving bridge than playing with other children. At night when I tuck her into bed, I say "I love you" and I have never heard it said back to me. She heartily replies "Mommy loves you", not having the faintest idea of what it means.

Now I know that God's Word tells me "In every thing, Give Thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you" However, it doesn't say "For everything", right? Tell me if I am wrong or not, please. I want to be right with God.

Most of the time, I am not thankful for autism. It has stolen my little girl. I am fighting to get her back. I am doing every possible thing I can to ransom her from this monster that has kidnapped her from my very arms that held her tightly, I never imagined that autism would visit our household.

Maybe one day, I will thank God for autism. Maybe it is wrong of me not to sit back and just wait for God to perform a miracle if He so wills it. I don't feel like I have any answers right now.

Based on what I do know, my husband and I have decided to move forward and ask for God's blessing on what we are doing. We are going to seek out medical help for our daughter.

This is the beginning of a new journey with Kaylee. We are going to be implementing two therapies with her in the coming months. One is biomedical and one is neurodevelopmental. I will be documenting her progress and hope that there will be some to document in the coming months.

Stay tuned!