These past few weeks have been particularly trying, in respect to Kaylee's behavior. Everything is a fight, and her will is very strong. She doesn't want to do anything she is asked to do.
For example, we took her to a fun McDonald's Play Place this week, and ordered her a burger without the bun which she normally has no problem eating. This time she decided to put up her dukes and not eat. So we left her at the table and she could not play until she ate the burger. She screamed and screamed so we left McDonalds. She screamed more.
But I was still not backing down. She knew exactly what was going on. We went home, and she went in a high chair I placed the burger in front of her and sat with her and told her "I love you Kaylee, you are such a good girl" while she ate that burger with joy.
For those people out there who wonder, is she just a mean and cold person? Why is she telling this story? This is for all of the mama's out there who think that they can't discipline or train their child because they have special needs (or any other excuse...and there are lots of them if you want to find them!) Don't let your child bowl you over because you feel sorry for them or are afraid they don't understand. They need you to be their parent.
Did you know that the bible says if you spare the rod (or do not discipline) you actually hate your child (Proverbs 13:24)? Why would God use such harsh words? Surely we love our children...that is why we do not want to cause them pain...
But the word of God tells us that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child...so should we let them be the boss? No.
God's word also says to train up a child in the way he should go. Do I want my child to continue on her own foolish way? No. I want her to respect and obey. Because if she isn't taught to obey me now, she will not obey me in the future, and surely not her Heavenly Father.
God uses the word hate because we rob our children of their future if we do not train them today. The consequences are great. Our small consequences now can save them from grave consequences in the future. That is why it says in the bible that if we love them, we will chasten them (Prov. 13:24). Even our Lord Jesus Christ chastens those whom He loves (Rev 3:19). Let us be like Him and love and train our children.
This does not mean that we as parents, have to employ spanking always in our discipline, but that we make all of their negative attempts to get what they want counterproductive. An example of this is a child screaming/kicking/crying to get a cookie. If we give in to their bad behavior and give them a cookie, we are actually reinforcing that behavior. When I encounter this from Kaylee, I slowly and kindly say, "No Kaylee, you don't get a cookie when you scream and cry like that. You need to ask nicely next time."
Then I brace myself and ask God for strength and wisdom while she gets upset. I just trust what God says in His word, and I trust that what I am doing is for her good, then I can be strong and handle her "not liking me" for the moment.
If you would like more ideas on disciplining your child, special needs or not, try this book, it has a lot of creative solutions on how to deal with problem behaviors in toddler to teenage years.
For example, we took her to a fun McDonald's Play Place this week, and ordered her a burger without the bun which she normally has no problem eating. This time she decided to put up her dukes and not eat. So we left her at the table and she could not play until she ate the burger. She screamed and screamed so we left McDonalds. She screamed more.
But I was still not backing down. She knew exactly what was going on. We went home, and she went in a high chair I placed the burger in front of her and sat with her and told her "I love you Kaylee, you are such a good girl" while she ate that burger with joy.
For those people out there who wonder, is she just a mean and cold person? Why is she telling this story? This is for all of the mama's out there who think that they can't discipline or train their child because they have special needs (or any other excuse...and there are lots of them if you want to find them!) Don't let your child bowl you over because you feel sorry for them or are afraid they don't understand. They need you to be their parent.
Did you know that the bible says if you spare the rod (or do not discipline) you actually hate your child (Proverbs 13:24)? Why would God use such harsh words? Surely we love our children...that is why we do not want to cause them pain...
But the word of God tells us that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child...so should we let them be the boss? No.
God's word also says to train up a child in the way he should go. Do I want my child to continue on her own foolish way? No. I want her to respect and obey. Because if she isn't taught to obey me now, she will not obey me in the future, and surely not her Heavenly Father.
God uses the word hate because we rob our children of their future if we do not train them today. The consequences are great. Our small consequences now can save them from grave consequences in the future. That is why it says in the bible that if we love them, we will chasten them (Prov. 13:24). Even our Lord Jesus Christ chastens those whom He loves (Rev 3:19). Let us be like Him and love and train our children.
This does not mean that we as parents, have to employ spanking always in our discipline, but that we make all of their negative attempts to get what they want counterproductive. An example of this is a child screaming/kicking/crying to get a cookie. If we give in to their bad behavior and give them a cookie, we are actually reinforcing that behavior. When I encounter this from Kaylee, I slowly and kindly say, "No Kaylee, you don't get a cookie when you scream and cry like that. You need to ask nicely next time."
Then I brace myself and ask God for strength and wisdom while she gets upset. I just trust what God says in His word, and I trust that what I am doing is for her good, then I can be strong and handle her "not liking me" for the moment.
If you would like more ideas on disciplining your child, special needs or not, try this book, it has a lot of creative solutions on how to deal with problem behaviors in toddler to teenage years.
Amen to that! I know what it's like to have a strong willed three year old and I've felt defeated on several occasions. Unfortunately, I've given in on some of those circumstances. However, being stern with your child during a tantrum or other form of misbehavior actually pays off. Katie will now admit that she was wrong, that she didn't listen and that not listening/obeying is bad. It is SOOOO imperative to instill those values while the child is young, regardless of developmental problems or delay. You are such a wonderful mom to Kaylee, Jen. I have no doubt in my mind that you're a godly woman and a great disciplinarian to your children. Thank you so much for posting about this issue, it is so misunderstood and overlooked.
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