Why My Child? Part II

After all of this time of thinking upon this question, I still don't have an answer that I feel most people desire when they find out their child has a disability. But I prayed and I asked God this very question and after sometime I see that my answer is...

There is no answer! At least not one that we may know this side of heaven...

I don't find peace in believing that God "planned" this for my child. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are not spared the trials that life brings to everyone.

Does that mean that God isn't in control? No, I don't think so.

Recently I read the book of Job and if you don't know much about this man, his story is in the Old Testament. To make a long story short, God allowed many bad things to happen to Job. He lost all of his children and all of his possessions in one day, and soon thereafter he lost his health.

The rest of the book is Job questioning God, knowing he was a righteous man. He didn't understand why God would allow so many bad things to happen to him. At one point in the book, Job's wife told him to "curse God and die." Job replied, "shall we only accept good from the hand of God, and not evil also?"

After all of the questions and suggestions Job received, God finally answered Job. But he didn't really answer. He put Job in his place. "Where were you when I made the earth? The heavens...etc."

Maybe God wants us to stop asking this question.. Maybe He wants us to give up the need to understand (and would the answer be good enough anyway? Would we even have the capacity or the selflessness to understand and accept the reason?) Like a child, we need to implicitly stop questioning our Father and trust that He knows something we don't...

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

It all boils down to trusting God. That even when bad things happen and when He doesn't make sense...someone who knows God and knows His character also knows He is good. Even when bad things happen to us.

If there is one thing I want people to learn from my blog, it is this:

There are no guarantees that our situation or circumstance will get better, but God promises that He will be there.

Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. Matthew 10:29

Hopefully, we can all follow Job's faithful answer and reply to our Father:

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." Job 13:15

Why my Child?

This is the first subject we are "tackling" in our Wonderfully Made Moms group.

Oh does this open up a door that I have realized I never really closed.

I have asked God this question over and over. When I see other children play. Or when I see a little girl that is Kaylee's age smiling at her mom, talking with her. Or when I see other families who don't know how good they have it when their child doesn't have a tantrum when asked to do a simple thing like "get your shoes".

So why my child? Is there satisfactory answer for that? I am still thinking on this answer and I will share it in my next post.

So how about you? How did you deal with this question? I would love to hear...

An encouraging website

Please checkout this website if you have some time on your hands...it includes short, homemade video clips by people whose lives have been touched by autism. I like this website because it focuses on encouragement and hope in living with autism. And if you are so inspired, these folks encourage you to make your own and add it to the site!

Enjoy!

Autism 151

Update

Things have been like a roller coaster around here. Kaylee's behavior is up and down. We will have lots of bad days and a few good ones peppered in here and there, and I am pretty sure its due to her allergy/intolerance issues.

Recently, Kaylee had her Diflucan removed and she got better for a few days and then things got bad again. Then we remove something else and so it goes, its a cycle and just when I think it ends, something else comes up and her behavior gets bad again. Right now I have removed chicken from her diet and its working! But I am not holding my breath because another problem will probably arise. And so it goes with allergies...

Oh April 23 can't come fast enough! I shouldn't be placing all of my hope on one doctor (Dr. Oberg, who is a specialist in allergies and immunology), but the nurse at the NY clinic seems to know this is the key for Kaylee. However, I still place my trust in God, who is the God of knowledge. I know He knows exactly what Kaylee needs.

Right now Kaylee is still on Valtrex and Benadryl daily. She still has dark circles under her poor little eyes. She still has a very limited diet. She still breaks out into hives from certain foods. Here behavior is so difficult to deal with when we have a "bad day". She acts like a kid who is sick, over-emotional, angry, and tired all rolled up into one. Most of our days are "bad days". I would say we have a good day every ten days. This is very hard on me and the kids, too. I pray this ends soon!

On the bright side, Kaylee is really progressing cognitively and socially. She answers questions very well, can follow directions, and initiates play with other children. She especially likes older boys which I need to watch out for...