Training Up Our Children

These past few weeks have been particularly trying, in respect to Kaylee's behavior. Everything is a fight, and her will is very strong. She doesn't want to do anything she is asked to do.

For example, we took her to a fun McDonald's Play Place this week, and ordered her a burger without the bun which she normally has no problem eating. This time she decided to put up her dukes and not eat. So we left her at the table and she could not play until she ate the burger. She screamed and screamed so we left McDonalds. She screamed more.

But I was still not backing down. She knew exactly what was going on. We went home, and she went in a high chair I placed the burger in front of her and sat with her and told her "I love you Kaylee, you are such a good girl" while she ate that burger with joy.

For those people out there who wonder, is she just a mean and cold person? Why is she telling this story? This is for all of the mama's out there who think that they can't discipline or train their child because they have special needs (or any other excuse...and there are lots of them if you want to find them!) Don't let your child bowl you over because you feel sorry for them or are afraid they don't understand. They need you to be their parent.

Did you know that the bible says if you spare the rod (or do not discipline) you actually hate your child (Proverbs 13:24)? Why would God use such harsh words? Surely we love our children...that is why we do not want to cause them pain...

But the word of God tells us that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child...so should we let them be the boss? No.

God's word also says to train up a child in the way he should go. Do I want my child to continue on her own foolish way? No. I want her to respect and obey. Because if she isn't taught to obey me now, she will not obey me in the future, and surely not her Heavenly Father.

God uses the word hate because we rob our children of their future if we do not train them today. The consequences are great. Our small consequences now can save them from grave consequences in the future. That is why it says in the bible that if we love them, we will chasten them (Prov. 13:24). Even our Lord Jesus Christ chastens those whom He loves (Rev 3:19). Let us be like Him and love and train our children.

This does not mean that we as parents, have to employ spanking always in our discipline, but that we make all of their negative attempts to get what they want counterproductive. An example of this is a child screaming/kicking/crying to get a cookie. If we give in to their bad behavior and give them a cookie, we are actually reinforcing that behavior. When I encounter this from Kaylee, I slowly and kindly say, "No Kaylee, you don't get a cookie when you scream and cry like that. You need to ask nicely next time."

Then I brace myself and ask God for strength and wisdom while she gets upset. I just trust what God says in His word, and I trust that what I am doing is for her good, then I can be strong and handle her "not liking me" for the moment.

If you would like more ideas on disciplining your child, special needs or not, try this book, it has a lot of creative solutions on how to deal with problem behaviors in toddler to teenage years.

Autism 101 - Autism for Dummies

Finding out your child has autism is scary and the information you have to sift through is overwhelming (wow, that word is an understatement!) and daunting. In a short period of time you need to take life's crash course in what autism actually is...then the onslaught of medical, therapeutic, financial, legal information can make your head spin.

First, let me tell you that you should take a breath and let it out. You WILL know what to do and soon, and you will get through this. Give yourself time to digest the information. Don't be hard on yourself!

There is a grieving process you go through, too, but that is a whole other topic that is for another time. But it's critical to know that you can't wallow in your grief and depression for long, your child is depending on you! Now is the time to start taking action. The clock is ticking, and while it's important to weigh all of your options, it is also important to wisely and prayerfully make your decisions.

If you have a child with autism (or any other special need), God has entrusted you with a child who is special and needs you. God will help you and give you strength and wisdom if you ask Him. God loves your child even more than you do and He will be your very present help.

Most of the time, the doctor who diagnosed your child with autism will not give you much hope or help. They will most likely send you on your way and you will feel lost. But don't give up hope! What a blessing we have with the internet! So many people sharing information quickly.

Here are some tips:

1. Beware of charlatans! There are many people out there that say "this supplement cured my child", but they want to make a quick buck off of desperate parents. Don't buy anything until you ask around about it. I have saved a lot of money just asking around people I trust (I call them my "e-friends") Chances are...if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

2. Get into a good Yahoo Group about autism (maybe one in your state or just one that focuses on curing autism). This is how you make "e-friends". I know this has been so instrumental for me, I learned so much from other seasoned moms and I had a lot of support. It was so refreshing for me to not feel so alone.

3. Educate yourself! Read some good books not just about "curing" autism but also how to live with it! I will give book recommendations on another post that were instrumental for me.

This is not by any means an exhaustive list of things you should do, but it's a start.