"Soul Work" Article

Did you ever feel mad at God? Did you ever question Him, feel like He was cruel to you because of your circumstances? Because of the unfairness of your child's disability? Did you ever feel like God's expectations of you were too much? Did you ever feel like God's grace wasn't enough for you to get through?

I am ashamed to say I ask those questions. Just when I think I get out of my rut, something else happens and I am asking God "why?" all over again.

In fact, today I am laying on my couch while everyone else is at church because I am in pain yet again. It comes and goes and all I can do is rest and not move for awhile until it dies down. I have been dealing with this for almost 3 months now.

This morning, I came across this article, it's by Chuck Swindoll's daughter, Colleen. She has a son who has autism, too. I really appreciate how real she is about her struggles and the way she deals with the overwhelming difficulties she has faced in raising a child with severe autism and a number of other diagnoses. I hope you will take the time to read it because it will bless you, even if you don't have a child with special needs.

Soul Work by Colleen Swindoll

Why My Child? Part II

After all of this time of thinking upon this question, I still don't have an answer that I feel most people desire when they find out their child has a disability. But I prayed and I asked God this very question and after sometime I see that my answer is...

There is no answer! At least not one that we may know this side of heaven...

I don't find peace in believing that God "planned" this for my child. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are not spared the trials that life brings to everyone.

Does that mean that God isn't in control? No, I don't think so.

Recently I read the book of Job and if you don't know much about this man, his story is in the Old Testament. To make a long story short, God allowed many bad things to happen to Job. He lost all of his children and all of his possessions in one day, and soon thereafter he lost his health.

The rest of the book is Job questioning God, knowing he was a righteous man. He didn't understand why God would allow so many bad things to happen to him. At one point in the book, Job's wife told him to "curse God and die." Job replied, "shall we only accept good from the hand of God, and not evil also?"

After all of the questions and suggestions Job received, God finally answered Job. But he didn't really answer. He put Job in his place. "Where were you when I made the earth? The heavens...etc."

Maybe God wants us to stop asking this question.. Maybe He wants us to give up the need to understand (and would the answer be good enough anyway? Would we even have the capacity or the selflessness to understand and accept the reason?) Like a child, we need to implicitly stop questioning our Father and trust that He knows something we don't...

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

It all boils down to trusting God. That even when bad things happen and when He doesn't make sense...someone who knows God and knows His character also knows He is good. Even when bad things happen to us.

If there is one thing I want people to learn from my blog, it is this:

There are no guarantees that our situation or circumstance will get better, but God promises that He will be there.

Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. Matthew 10:29

Hopefully, we can all follow Job's faithful answer and reply to our Father:

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." Job 13:15

Why my Child?

This is the first subject we are "tackling" in our Wonderfully Made Moms group.

Oh does this open up a door that I have realized I never really closed.

I have asked God this question over and over. When I see other children play. Or when I see a little girl that is Kaylee's age smiling at her mom, talking with her. Or when I see other families who don't know how good they have it when their child doesn't have a tantrum when asked to do a simple thing like "get your shoes".

So why my child? Is there satisfactory answer for that? I am still thinking on this answer and I will share it in my next post.

So how about you? How did you deal with this question? I would love to hear...

An encouraging website

Please checkout this website if you have some time on your hands...it includes short, homemade video clips by people whose lives have been touched by autism. I like this website because it focuses on encouragement and hope in living with autism. And if you are so inspired, these folks encourage you to make your own and add it to the site!

Enjoy!

Autism 151

Wonderfully Made Moms

This is the name of a new small bible study group that we are starting come April for mothers of children with special needs. Mrs. Cindy Evans, a godly, kind woman from my church is the one who spearheaded this new much-needed group for the moms who can get stressed while caring for a special needs child (let's be honest...any other children, too!). Mrs. Evans and her husband have also had a successful ministry called Wonderfully Made that reaches out to and ministers specifically to special needs adults in our area through fellowship and biblical teaching.

Mrs. Evans is a mother of a Trent, her grown son with Down Syndrome. He is a kind, intelligent, hardworking young man who helps out in our church by taking care of the sound ministry and taking offerings. He also greets everyone with a smile! Mrs. Evans has her own blog if you would like to visit it sometime!

A few months ago Mrs. Evans approached me about helping her out with this, and I was so elated! This kind of ministry has been something I have wanted to do for some time now, but I wasn't really sure how to go about it. No doubt it is the Lord providentially bringing us together to work together in this ministry.

Recently I have been writing questions that I have been asking God through my journey of raising a child diagnosed with autism. I remember when Kaylee was first diagnosed I was looking everywhere for a book that would help me along this road...but every book I found (yes even Christian ones!) were only about "curing" my child and not how I was to live in it! I had so many questions and I felt so alone. I wished I had an experienced friend to help encourage me along.

That is what I hope this group will bring to other mothers in a similar situation. My prayer is that we can help each other along and bring hope to others. To be a friend and lift one another up in Jesus Christ.


Here are some of the questions we hope to answer and address:

• Supermom or not???


• How should I discipline my special needs child?


• What does God expect of me?


• How do I cope with my fears and worries associated with raising a special child?


• Should I homeschool my child? How do I go about doing this?


• and more...

Are you a mom struggling in raising your special needs child? Are you someone who has some suggestions for what we can discuss or how we can help others?

I would love to hear from you! Please email me at jlhank80@yahoo.com or leave me a comment. And if you know a mom in the Chicago area who is interested in this small group, please send them my way!

When a Mom Can't Make It All Better

Tonight, I cried...

Most people would think is was about something silly. On the surface, it sounds so...

I cried because I couldn't give Kaylee ketchup with her dinner.

Kaylee cried, too. I know it wasn't about her not getting her way; she was wailing with grief and disappointment. All of the things she couldn't have were adding up on her. For months we have told her "You can't have this" and "you can't have that", slowly taking away all of the foods she loves.

So far we have cut out wheat, milk, egg, chocolate, soy, and most of the sugar. And now, her beloved ketchup.

As she cried I went to her on my knees and cried with her. Inside I understood and felt her pain with her. This poor girl. She is so strong. Who knows what she feels and what she is going through?

And there is nothing I could do to help her pain but hold her and apologize. When I went to her and said "Kaylee, I am so sorry." and held her, her tears soon subsided. But inside me I felt this horrible grief and it won't go away.

It is an agonizing thing me to feel, to watch and know my child suffers and not be able to do anything about it. For over 2 years I have watched Kaylee suffer though autism with sensory issues, anxiety, blood draws, yucky medicines 3 times a day, unable to eat what others eat, loneliness, being misunderstood.

All of these things for a little girl to handle. When I really think about it, I could despair.

So tonight, I laid in bed with her and I prayed over her and told her "Kaylee, I am so proud of you. You are so strong and sweet and I love you so much. God loves you, too and He is taking care of you and giving you what you need to get through this. Someday I know you are going to do great things for Him."

I don't know if she understood me, but I understood in my heart. She is in God's hands and He will care for her, He gave her a Mommy and Daddy who love her enough to do what is right even when it hurts, and will love her and help her through. We may not be able to fix everything, but we will be there.

That's right. He knows exactly what she needs.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4

Training Up Our Children

These past few weeks have been particularly trying, in respect to Kaylee's behavior. Everything is a fight, and her will is very strong. She doesn't want to do anything she is asked to do.

For example, we took her to a fun McDonald's Play Place this week, and ordered her a burger without the bun which she normally has no problem eating. This time she decided to put up her dukes and not eat. So we left her at the table and she could not play until she ate the burger. She screamed and screamed so we left McDonalds. She screamed more.

But I was still not backing down. She knew exactly what was going on. We went home, and she went in a high chair I placed the burger in front of her and sat with her and told her "I love you Kaylee, you are such a good girl" while she ate that burger with joy.

For those people out there who wonder, is she just a mean and cold person? Why is she telling this story? This is for all of the mama's out there who think that they can't discipline or train their child because they have special needs (or any other excuse...and there are lots of them if you want to find them!) Don't let your child bowl you over because you feel sorry for them or are afraid they don't understand. They need you to be their parent.

Did you know that the bible says if you spare the rod (or do not discipline) you actually hate your child (Proverbs 13:24)? Why would God use such harsh words? Surely we love our children...that is why we do not want to cause them pain...

But the word of God tells us that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child...so should we let them be the boss? No.

God's word also says to train up a child in the way he should go. Do I want my child to continue on her own foolish way? No. I want her to respect and obey. Because if she isn't taught to obey me now, she will not obey me in the future, and surely not her Heavenly Father.

God uses the word hate because we rob our children of their future if we do not train them today. The consequences are great. Our small consequences now can save them from grave consequences in the future. That is why it says in the bible that if we love them, we will chasten them (Prov. 13:24). Even our Lord Jesus Christ chastens those whom He loves (Rev 3:19). Let us be like Him and love and train our children.

This does not mean that we as parents, have to employ spanking always in our discipline, but that we make all of their negative attempts to get what they want counterproductive. An example of this is a child screaming/kicking/crying to get a cookie. If we give in to their bad behavior and give them a cookie, we are actually reinforcing that behavior. When I encounter this from Kaylee, I slowly and kindly say, "No Kaylee, you don't get a cookie when you scream and cry like that. You need to ask nicely next time."

Then I brace myself and ask God for strength and wisdom while she gets upset. I just trust what God says in His word, and I trust that what I am doing is for her good, then I can be strong and handle her "not liking me" for the moment.

If you would like more ideas on disciplining your child, special needs or not, try this book, it has a lot of creative solutions on how to deal with problem behaviors in toddler to teenage years.