Tonight, I cried...
Most people would think is was about something silly. On the surface, it sounds so...
I cried because I couldn't give Kaylee ketchup with her dinner.
Kaylee cried, too. I know it wasn't about her not getting her way; she was wailing with grief and disappointment. All of the things she couldn't have were adding up on her. For months we have told her "You can't have this" and "you can't have that", slowly taking away all of the foods she loves.
So far we have cut out wheat, milk, egg, chocolate, soy, and most of the sugar. And now, her beloved ketchup.
As she cried I went to her on my knees and cried with her. Inside I understood and felt her pain with her. This poor girl. She is so strong. Who knows what she feels and what she is going through?
And there is nothing I could do to help her pain but hold her and apologize. When I went to her and said "Kaylee, I am so sorry." and held her, her tears soon subsided. But inside me I felt this horrible grief and it won't go away.
It is an agonizing thing me to feel, to watch and know my child suffers and not be able to do anything about it. For over 2 years I have watched Kaylee suffer though autism with sensory issues, anxiety, blood draws, yucky medicines 3 times a day, unable to eat what others eat, loneliness, being misunderstood.
All of these things for a little girl to handle. When I really think about it, I could despair.
So tonight, I laid in bed with her and I prayed over her and told her "Kaylee, I am so proud of you. You are so strong and sweet and I love you so much. God loves you, too and He is taking care of you and giving you what you need to get through this. Someday I know you are going to do great things for Him."
I don't know if she understood me, but I understood in my heart. She is in God's hands and He will care for her, He gave her a Mommy and Daddy who love her enough to do what is right even when it hurts, and will love her and help her through. We may not be able to fix everything, but we will be there.
That's right. He knows exactly what she needs.
Most people would think is was about something silly. On the surface, it sounds so...
I cried because I couldn't give Kaylee ketchup with her dinner.
Kaylee cried, too. I know it wasn't about her not getting her way; she was wailing with grief and disappointment. All of the things she couldn't have were adding up on her. For months we have told her "You can't have this" and "you can't have that", slowly taking away all of the foods she loves.
So far we have cut out wheat, milk, egg, chocolate, soy, and most of the sugar. And now, her beloved ketchup.
As she cried I went to her on my knees and cried with her. Inside I understood and felt her pain with her. This poor girl. She is so strong. Who knows what she feels and what she is going through?
And there is nothing I could do to help her pain but hold her and apologize. When I went to her and said "Kaylee, I am so sorry." and held her, her tears soon subsided. But inside me I felt this horrible grief and it won't go away.
It is an agonizing thing me to feel, to watch and know my child suffers and not be able to do anything about it. For over 2 years I have watched Kaylee suffer though autism with sensory issues, anxiety, blood draws, yucky medicines 3 times a day, unable to eat what others eat, loneliness, being misunderstood.
All of these things for a little girl to handle. When I really think about it, I could despair.
So tonight, I laid in bed with her and I prayed over her and told her "Kaylee, I am so proud of you. You are so strong and sweet and I love you so much. God loves you, too and He is taking care of you and giving you what you need to get through this. Someday I know you are going to do great things for Him."
I don't know if she understood me, but I understood in my heart. She is in God's hands and He will care for her, He gave her a Mommy and Daddy who love her enough to do what is right even when it hurts, and will love her and help her through. We may not be able to fix everything, but we will be there.
That's right. He knows exactly what she needs.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4
Jen, my heart hurts for you :( As moms we are so limited and we take it so personally when our children hurt. I recall a time when Katie just hurt herself or her feelings were hurt and I sat and cried along with her. I really think it helps our children know that we can relate on a more personal level than to just be an authoritative figure in their lives. You love Kaylee so much and you're right... having to take those things she enjoys away from her diet would bring me great sadness too! I'm sure that Kaylee heard your words of praise and strength for her. The Lord will use her in His kingdom for something truly amazing and magnificient!!! I will continually pray for you :)
ReplyDeleteJen
(((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful mom, and someday you will see the fruit of the tough choices you've had to make.
Small consolation, but I've given you an award over at my blog.
Blessings,
Kellie
Thank you Jennie and Kellie for being my cheerleaders, may God bless you :)
ReplyDelete