So we decided to never take Kaylee back to her pediatrician again. But the damage had been done. Kaylee was showing some early signs of autism at 6 months. She was a happy baby, but a little too happy to be by herself. I kept waiting for her to be attached to me. I wanted her to need me. I quit my part-time job so thinking that was the reason why she didn't care whether I was around or not.
Kaylee was mouthing things extensively. She could sit for hours chewing on objects. I thought that was just a "teething" thing, but after having two more babies, I realize that Kaylee's excessive chewing was a red flag I missed.
But, Kaylee was doing well in other developmental areas. She was waving "bye", initiating kisses, reading books, and starting to say words like "ba" for bottle.
She was with us. When I look at her pictures from that time of her life, she looks like she is there with us.
Proof that Kaylee regressed:
Kaylee doing "so big!" at her 1st Birthday Party,
she never did that again...
I remember one of the last times I "saw" Kaylee before her autism took hold. Dan and I were going for a walk on a summer evening, and I had Kaylee on my shoulders and she took my face in her hands, turned it to hers and she kissed me.
But at 13 months, when Kaylee started to walk, she started to slip out of our hands. She never waved again, her few words disappeared. She receded further into herself and began to actually eat her books (the corners were all chewed down!), walk on her tip toes, and line up her toys in the straightest lines I had ever seen. She didn't look in my eyes and smile anymore. The unexplainable sparkle in her eyes was gone.
I kept waiting for the words...yearning to hear her say "Mama!" and hug me and kiss me. "What is wrong with me?" I thought to myself. "Why doesn't my child love me like other kids? Why doesn't she care when I walk into the room?" Never once did autism come to my mind as the problem.
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