I must begin by apologizing for such drab and flat blog entries lately. I have been so tired lately and being tired really curbs my creativity and I have trouble thinking deeply. I haven't been getting as much sleep as I should and I feel like my list of things to do is neverending.
Not to complain. My life is full of blessings, I am so thankful to not be bored or lonely. But I do feel like I have a nagging sense of guilt that plagues me, thinking of all of the ways I have failed or didn't get everything done that I wanted to. Having three young children I believe it is inevitable to not feel guilty all of the time. Each day I feel like I don't spend enough time with each one and then I scare myself thinking, "My kids are going to grow up unable to form emotional attachments to anyone!" and many more unlikely and scary scenarios.
Now I gather that ALL mom's around the world suffer from this affliction, feeling guilty about what we did do, didn't do, did wrong, and much more. But I imagine that guilt does it's worst damage when we do not address it. Guilt has a way of festering in my heart and eating away and my peace and I don't realize it is there until I am in a bit of a panicked state.
That is when I go to my Master Jesus and I give Him the broken pieces in my life. I know that I can only do so much and leave the rest to Him. He says: Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matt. 11:28
In the end, that is all it is about: giving it to Him. Over and over again I trade my sorrows in for the peace that only He can give to me.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
I say, "Jesus, this hurts so bad in my life. The grief of seeing my child like this tears me apart inside." and He tells me, "Come to me, child, I know." Just going to Him may not make everything go away, but He comforts me with His Words. I know He is there...
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