Tough Times

Well this is day 20 for Kaylee on Valtrex, and she's still getting worse. Each day since Friday last week has been a rough one. Right now Kaylee is getting very upset over little things and unable to calm down without taking a "break" in her room. She is very emotional and volatile and is acting very tired. Physically, right now Kaylee is experiencing low grade fevers every afternoon.

But may I say, most importantly, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8) Talk about some comforting words.

Recently I have been thinking about how it felt after we found out that Kaylee had autism. It was utterly overwhelming, discouraging, and scary to read about all of the expensive, unproven, and risky treatments that people have tried on their children. I didn't know where to go or what to do! It was a complete whirlwind to me and I lost myself in these questions asking God "What should I do? Should I wait or should I move forward? Which way do I go, God?"

Things changed for me when I looked in my journal almost a year after Kaylee's diagnosis and I realized that I was still asking God the same questions. "God?", I asked, "Why haven't you answered me after all of this time?" He told me "You were asking the wrong question!" Simple as that. All of that time I was waiting for God to supernaturally plop some sort of wisdom into my lap. All of the research, all of the tears, all of the despair were totally fruitless. I had come full circle. One year and still in the same place.

Was all of that time wasted? I don't think so. God is GOD and He has promised that all things work together for good for those that love Him (Rom. 8:28) I do realize that during that time I was not trusting Him and His timing. I was coming to Him with a doubting heart, and how could I hear His voice then?

For a year of endless searching and research, I didn't find anything that kept my confidence. The clock was ticking and I knew this window of opportunity would pass and Kaylee's window would soon be closed. Finally in desperation I took and educated leap of faith and chose to take a chance and try Dr. Russell and the NIDS Protocol. And with a trusting heart I said to God "Please bless our decision, Lord."

Now I am not quick to ascribe something to "supernatural intervention", but everything just worked out. I didn't have to work so hard for this. We had the money to go to New York, we were able to schedule the appointment immediately (most have to wait much longer than we did), and Kaylee's primary doctor was onboard for the treatment (unheard of!) and wrote the orders for her testing (saving us a whopping $3800!).

Now, since we have taken the steps to medically attempt to recover Kaylee from autism, I feel like a part of me has had a peace like I haven't had since the diagnosis. All of this time I have been on the fence about all of these treatments, now I am thankful for the guidance of a doctor who has "been there" and I believe that we have "covered" him in prayers, that God would grant him wisdom and we believe that God answers prayer!